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Watsons make it a family affair in Headliners victory

All Jammed Up ... Cav did not get a chance to suck on any of Holly's watermelon, but he made some plays.

By Steve Ewen
HitBallFar.com Sci-Fi Reporter

They were a ragtag, fugitive fleet, on a lonely quest.

No, it wasn't the dudes from Battlestar Galactica, although Lainger does sport a passing resemblance to Dirk Benedict, who played Lieutenant Starbuck in the original version of the science fiction thriller. It was the Headliners, everybody's favourite's slopitch entertainment franchise, who pieced together a line-up last minute and recorded a 21-7 victory over DP2 on Fans Get To Play Too Night Monday at Montgomery Park.

The 'Liners, who have had more subs than Quiznos this season, called on Bloody Knees for Monday. And when Lainger's roommate, Ben Braddock, no-showed in his chance as a fill-in, they brought C-Watson-Watts out of the stands and also had her put in a 911 call to her brother, J-Watson. He showed up in the third inning, just in time to go 3-for-4 with three runs scored and play solid second base. C-Watson-Watts came into the game in the sixth herself and blasted the first pitch she saw for a double.

Poppy also made an appearance and kept his perfect batting average alive with a 6-for-6 night. Now 10-for-10, He's not really a sub; he's not really a regular. He's basically an Irregular. But he, and the others, were good enough to bring the team a victory.

"It's been a strange year with all the different people in and out of the line-up," said Ewen, sucking back some of Holly's wonderful watermelon and wondering how many people will get that Ben Braddock was Dustin Hoffman's character in The Graduate.

"But we gutted it out again. We played a little bit more defence than they did. And our imports came up back."

Bloody Knees was also sparkling with the bat, going 3-for-6 with two doubles and four runs scored
The 'Liners won't have much time to celebrate their victory, though. For the first time in team history, they have league games on back-to-back days, as they take on the Addicts tonight at Gordon Park WC. It's a make-up game for a rainout. Rintoul and D-Watts are supposed to be in attendance.

McNiven: Time to grip it and rip it

Welcome to the Headliners ... Rookie outfielder Jordy McNiven gets an earful from his teammates in his VMRESSSSS debut Monday night against the Rhinos at Montgomery Park North.

Rhinos give 'Liners a scare

Mini Rocket ... Outfielder Cav Whitely enjoys a cold snack Monday night against the Rhinos at Montgomery Park North.

By Steve Ewen
HitBallFar.com Music Critic

The Headliners captured the latest battle of 1029 Edinburgh Street.

The 'Liners celebrated the debut of Cav's "close family friend," Jordy by eking out a 13-11 victory over Ewen's wife Carol-Ann and the rest of the Rhinos on Lady Finger Night at Gordon Park North Centre Monday.

Carol-Ann did win herself a skirmish, stealing third on catcher Ewen as part of a five-run bottom of the eighth that made things a tad too interesting for the 'Liners.

"We showed that we could come from behind last week, in beating the Addicts, and tonight we almost showed that we could leave from ahead," said Ewen, sucking back some Teddy Grahams. (Shameless plug for D-Watt's high-concept Things Aren't What They Are Named snack effort. Interesting how the themes have become more intricate after we've become more UBC focused than SFU? Just saying...)

"We were sloppy in that last inning, lowlighted by me falling asleep on the Carol-Ann stolen base. We're still working out the kinks. And some kinks are harder to work out than others."

Ah, the kinks. We're not talking about the Ray Davies band that brought you You Really Got Me or some of the shenanigans perpetrated by a certain Headliner outfielder.

(Editor's note: Kennedy just shut off his computer.) We are talking about dozing off on the steal, or not clutching up with runner's on base. (Ewen's stranded six. He, too, just shut off the computer.)

On the plus side, the 'Liners did get some solid defence from usual suspects Cav and Brett. And Jordy, the former southpaw reliever with the UBC Thunderbirds, was solid at the plate in his first appearance, going 3-for-5 with a double.

'Liner Notes: The Headliners play two games next week, taking on DP2 and the SEx Addicts.

UBC star southpaw Jordy McNiven inks lucrative contract

Lanky Lefty ... Former University of B.C. pitching phenom Jordy McNiven turned pro today by signing a long-term deal with the Headliners. As per team policy, Headliners GM/Coach/Grand Poobah Steve Ewen would not release details.

By Steve Ewen
HitBallFar.com College Sports Reporter

The Headliners are calling to the bullpen and bringing in the lefty.

Looking to load up for another VMRESSSSSS championship and worried about the health, welfare and map skills of some of the veterans, Headliners captain Ewen inked former UBC Thunderbird southpaw closer Jordy McNiven to a long-term deal.

As per team policy, details of the contract weren't worth mentioning, although McNiven was quoted by the slopitch paparazzi as saying, "For a signing bonus, I'm looking for a six-pack of African beer, your second round pick in 2017,  some sort of salted meat snack, and a feature article on www.HitBallFar.com."

The brother former UBC pitcher Brooks McNiven, now a minor leaguer with the San Franciso Giants, Jordy was listed as the "good-looking McNiven," in the media guides put out by sports information director during his tenure at the school.

He's yet another protege of legendary 'Liner Coach, and he's close with T-Birds turned 'Liners like D-Watts and Cav.

He's expected to make his debut Monday, when the 'Liners face the dreaded Rhinos.

Snarla draws key walk in comeback win

Memory Lane ... Headliners outfielder Scott Rintoul (right) and SEx Addicts rover Gina Vesnaver chat post-game. The pair were in BCIT's broadcasting program before Vesnaver went on to fame and fortune in public relations and Rintoul found a day job with TEAM 1040 sports radio.

By Steve Ewen
HitBallFar.com BBQ Reporter

The Headliners paid a fitting homage to Have A Burger Or Hot Dog But You'll Have To Rip Open Your Own Bun With Your Fingers Night Monday, taking a while to get things started.

Everybody's favourite slopitch entertainment franchise rebounded from a 7-1, fourth-inning deficit against the expansion Addicts to secure a 13-12 win before a capacity crowd at Montgomery Park South East.

The 'Liners also trailed 11-8 going into the eighth inning against the VMRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS's newest team, but put up that five-spot in their last at-bats, highlighted by a key walk from Snarla, a two-run double from D-Watts and a two-run sac fly by Grant. They then held the Addicts to one run in the bottom of the eighth, getting a strikeout, a pop-out and a ground ball to shortstop Brett, the team's male game MVP.

Brett led a 'Liner defence that, outside of a couple of hiccups, had its best effort of the campaign.

"D-Tam warned me about us eating before the game," team captain Ewen said, pointing to the third sacker and the brains behind HABOHDBYHTROYOBWYFN.

"He insisted that we should eat after the game, to avoid being too stuffed up. Maybe he was right. Or maybe it was their pitching. Or maybe we're just old now. I don't know what it was, but we showed some cojones coming back. That bodes well.

"Those are the kind of wins that you rally around and it feels like we're finding our legs."

The revamped batting order had its positives, as the bottom four spots, anchored this time by the red-hot Lainger and rookie sensation Cav, scored five runs. Lainger, who's having his best start to a campaign since being voted team MVP for club management three years ago, was 3-for-4 with two doubles. Cav, the hotshot protege of legendary 'Liner Coach, was also 3-for-4 with two doubles.

"The best thing that ever happened to Coach was Cav joining the team," said Ewen. (Shameless dig at Coach.) "Coach had gone a couple of years since getting into a Headliner Update. And one of those years he actually played."

Holly, who hit in the No. 3 slot in the new order, was named the female MVP. She was 1-for-5 with an RBI and a run scored.

Asian Persuasion and 'Liners rookies pave way to 19-9 win against Drag-Ons

Pink Lady ... Headliners rookie catcher Lindsay went 1-for-5 at the plate and threw out a Drag-Ons player unwisely trying to steal second base. She was named game MVP for her efforts in the 19-9 Headliners victory at Gordon Park SE.

By Steve Ewen
HitBallFar.com Asian Snacks Reporter

Apparently all it took to get the Headliners out of their funk was two guys, a girl and a Chinese food place.

With strong efforts from call-ups Jay, Colby and Lindsay and rookie 'Liner Cav rocking the Asian Persuasion Party Platter in his first-ever snack duties, everybody's favourite slopitch entertainment team looked like contenders once more, dispatching the Drag-Ons 19-9 on Jerica Taking Pictures Night at Gordon Park West Centre.

The 'Liners had been about as interesting as a mediocre Ryan Reynolds sitcom their first three games this season, but Tuesday's triumph had team captain Ewen making a proposal: a few more games like this over the next while, and the 'Liners will be one of the favourites for the Midseason Classic tournament in July.

"We got great pitching from Michelle," said Ewen, in the midst of chowing down on a Pocky yogurt biscuit stick. (Shameless plug for Ewen expanding his diet.)

"Our revamped batting order, with girls in the No. 3, No. 6 and No. 9 holes, produced, particularly in the sixth and the seventh, when we got nine runs combined to blow the game open. And, outside of Michelle going all Steve Sax on that one ground ball in the first, I thought we played some defence."

Ewen placed a lot of the credit at the feet of Cav and his ability to set the tone for the team. While Cav's mentor, 'Liner Legend Coach, never understood the art of the tasty treats and merely mailed it in with generic chips and cookies during his turns on snacks, Cav carefully thought out his first chance at pleasing the palettes of his new pals.

A lover of the snack themes as well as snacks themselves, Ewen thought it was the best performance with the food goodies since Tracey's renowned Balls Night of three seasons ago, when she wowed the 'Liners with, among other things, her nifty melon spheres.

"Kennedy would definitely think it was cool," Ewen said, pointing to the longtime 'Liner ranker of stuff.

Kennedy would also thought the newcomers were cool. Colby, who played right field and hit fifth, reached base all five times he went up to bat, highlighted by a pair of two-run home runs.

Jay, who was in the No. 7 hole, brought solid defence to left field. And Lindsay, who played catcher, helped nix a Drag-Ons' attempted rally in the third by throwing out Drag-On veteran Rollie Melanson trying to steal second base. The former New  York Islanders netminder was out by several steps.

Lindsay, who was 1-for-5 at the dish out of the No. 6 slot, was pegged as the 'Liners female player of the game by the Drag-Ons. Michelle, who was 3-for-5 in her debut in the No. 3 batting order, would have been a suitable winner as well.

With the guys, Brett got the MVP with his defence and his 3-for-4 effort with the bat. The lead-off hitter had two doubles and three runs scored, including a steal of home in the first. No. 2 hitter Lainger was strong all game, too, going 5-for-5 with two doubles and four runs scored.